Where my shoes are

This is where I stand:

1 x completed semester of a degree I'm abandoning;

1 x application for a different degree, in a different direction;

1 x demanding job;

1 x demanding boss;

1 x possible new accommodations closer to demanding job; and

(23598645)^23 x people possibilities. (new relationships, friendships, etc.)

Or at least, this is where my shoes stand are.

Seems a little strange to me, but I feel a bit detached. 

I'm present for all of this.. the exams, the boardroom meetings, the deadlines, the lease agreements, the nights out on the town, etc. but later on, looking back, some of it feels like it isn't didn't wasn't happening to me, but to someone else - like a dream, an extremely vivid dream at that.

Make no mistake - I'm happy, more so than I've been in a while. I just don't quite understand why this is happening. 

I love where things are at the moment... Income is stable, I work hard, I study hard, I'm motivated to do new things, I have good friends (few, but better to have a few gems than 12348762305 stones), but something may be a little off. 

As I say, I feel a bit detached, as if it's not me that it's all happening to. I'm just watching from another view. 

I think it's happening because of too many conflicting decisions. The decision to change degrees, the decision to move into a new place, etc. 

I never really believed in this kind of thing before, but I've been doing a bit of horoscope research.. and low and behold.. my star sign? Yeah, we have trouble making decisions and then sticking to them. It's pretty much  like two people of differing opinions living in my head. Don't get me wrong, it's not some schizophrenia where they have no idea about each other.. and they're never presented to the outside world.. they just disagree and make things difficult for me.

When I've made a decision and then start doubting it, or doubt sticking to it, I sometimes feel like this... 

So it's more like 3 people.. Two trying to go their own ways, and a third trying to decide who to follow. I'm not sure if my slight psychosis is normal, in fact I'm sure it isn't. 

Anyways, onto lighter subjects.. 

As an update.. work seems to be going well. I'm a week away from the end of my probation period. And from what I hear, not many people make it this far at this company. As I explained in a previous post though, the people here are insane - like myself - which may explain why I have lasted - also possibly contributing to my psychosis. It can be incredibly demanding - occasionally 12 or 14 hour days at the office - or incredibly laid back where we leave by 15h00.. A balance needs to be found somewhere here. 

Regarding changing degrees, I believe my mind has been made up. I'm switching from BCom in Marketing Management to BCom Law. Apparently this is a better (more useful) degree after completion, and leaves more doors open as to employment opportunities. I will no doubt make the switch within the next 2 weeks. And then to buckle down, this degree is more difficult as well. 

Also on such a note, yesterday was my last exam for the semester. Commercial Law.. I finished a 2 hour paper in 30min and subsequently had to wait for the hour mark until I could leave. Luckily, in switching degrees, I should retain credits I have acquired for this semester. These last 7 weeks of exams were hell. It's not that the work load was too much (OK, at one point normal work was trying to kill me), they just seemed to drag on forever. 

Now that that is over, I just have to wait for results.. Tragically, they are released the day before my birthday and I think I may have failed a unit. Woop woop .. o_o .. 

Something else which has recently come to my attention is the fact that there is an 'education policy' being paid out to me this year that I was not aware of. The decision stands: do I leave my job and my income and go back to varsity full time? Or do I carry on as I am, study part time, and invest the rest? Also, keep earning a salary.. To me, this depends on how my varsity results turn out this year. I believe, the smarter move (if I can handle it) is to keep working, invest the excess policy, and finish my degree(s) part time. It's self-supportive and provides more freedom than full time varsity would.

I need to pretty much decide today whether or not I'm taking an apartment I have found close to work. It's a 2 bedroom place, lounge, kitchen, bathroom and balcony.. Really quite nice and for quite a good price considering where it is. The thing that is stopping me is the commitment to it. I have never lived by myself and a lease is not something you can suddenly terminate. I think that I'm taking it, I just hope that it is the correct decision. Moving there comes with a lot of pros.. but also some cons that I will just have to deal with. There will obviously be unforeseen costs, I just wish I could know exactly what it'll cost from the outset. The whole being broke thing doesn't really do it for me.

People.. well that's just another story. Seems my friend circles change often these days. In the last year I have completely changed friend groups. I think I outgrew some people. Otherwise, relationships.. well that's something else, I don't need to discuss that now, or here. 

In other news, I'm going back to possible business ventures.. revisiting ideas.. hopefully with progress this time. :)

It's my birthday next week.. unfortunately, I'm on training for work during the day.. the joys. I plan to get shit faced with half the people who read this though! 

Just to revisit the duality that is going on in my head, it's a legit thing Geminians suffer from apparently, and I'm no different. We apparently 'see both sides of the situation and sympathise with them equally' .. which is why it is difficult to favour one. On one side, I like being independent and doing my own thing, on the other, I wish there was someone who could make the decisions for me and I would just have to stick to them. Oh wait, there is someone - it's called a wife. Unfortunately, I do not have one of these mythical creatures. If someone knows where I can find one, please do forward me details. ;)

Now that the pressure has been relieved out of my head (with this here post), and the semester is finished - time to drank.. I plan to. And then back to work and difficult decisions. I just need to find my shoes.. or at least where they are and where they're supposed to be and stop these out of body experiences. O_o

Now go, put on your weaves and slap a bitch.